Betelgeuse Betelgeuse Betelgeuse

The Energizer Bunny is practicing his drum roll
Inside the confines of my head
I don’t mean to be a party pooper
But I wish he’d go somewhere else instead
The rhythmic pounding of his drum beat
And the pitter patter of his little rabbit feet
Are driving me completely out of my mind
I think its punishment for the gig I declined

Some American Indian tribe
Who probably on magic mushrooms imbibe
Said that one should only speak
When one had something important to say
If I followed that rule I’d be silent all day
Still there’s a lesson in there somewhere I’m sure
Not to waste words that will never be heard
There are times when it’s better to commit to the wind
One’s practiced laments at someone else’s sins
How high one’s horse is, is a matter of perspective
And hardly one that you could call objective
My 16 hand Arabian stallion
May only appear as some Shetland pony rapscallion
Aside from which I’m a lousy jockey
Better suited to playing hockey

I’ve reading a list of what constitutes the perfect man
I think the whole thing is a bit of a sham
I’ll take a bet it was written late one boozy night
After some chick had been in fight
There’s a response too from a misguided guy
Who could patent his particular bunch of creepy pick up lines
A word to the wise, don’t grab her ass
Or make some bigoted asinine remark
Or rabbit on endlessly about your car
How much money you make
And how you once met some star
She couldn’t care less or about as much you
Care about the fact she’s wearing Jimmy Choos

God, I’m hungry I can’t even think
About what type of guys Peroni drink
The thing about free food is this
You have to wait around for it
Then queue in line and hand over your ticket
It reminds me of Betelgeuse in the waiting room
Between the after-life and the recently occupied tomb

“Hey Vix, can you quickly give me a line?
The deadline’s at 3 and I’m running out of time”
Sure thing, but it works quid pro quo
Can you whip me up a design before you go?
Oh yeah and Milo over there was just thinking
If I had a headline or some body copy writing
We could stick it over there where it won’t get in the way
I guess its not like anyone’s gonna read it anyway
So yes I am feeling put upon and completely secondary
Post rationalizing designs and feeling contrary
I’d just like another semantically minded person
To give me some well deserved consolation

A sudden flash of memory
Just crept up upon me
One of those funny little moments
That pepper the life of parents
One boy of 6, one boy of 4
A girl of 2, need I say more?
Each has a DVD safely in his or her paw
All of which apparently made it in the door
The girl has hers; she’s kept it in sight
She wants to watch Barbie tonight
The boys don’t have the faintest clue
Did I have it? No did you?
I line them up and patiently trace
The steps they took to reach this place
Exasperated I berate the boy of 4 with these words of truth
A 2 year old girl kept hers safe, why can’t you?
He shrugged and gave me the smile I so enjoy
“I don’t know,” he says, “’cause I’m a boy?”